The First Woman Manager

Brynna Tebbe

The First Woman Manager

Dear Society,

Everyday walking into work as an independent, hardworking, and strong woman is hard to do. Working at a grocery store as a stock clerk is considered a “man’s job.”

What did you do wrong to be lifting all that heavy stuff?

– Just because I am a woman and a stock clerk does not mean I did something wrong to have this job.

When we try to fight back against such pathetic and putrid behavior we get judgment thrown down on us. There are men in this world that believe that women are to be the housewives and shouldn’t have a job. Older men are stuck in this way of thinking, because in their time that is what most women agreed to. It is unbelievable that they think the times haven’t changed. They think that because they are old that it is okay to say whatever is on their mind.

Shouldn’t a guy be helping you lift all that milk?

– No it is my job to stock the milk. What does it surprise you that a girl can be strong enough to do a man’s job? Asshole.

We need to realize that the violence and harassment of women in the workplace is a big problem. According to new poll data from the Center for American Progress and Elle Magazine released on Monday, August 9 2013, “Nearly 30 percent of women report experiencing discrimination in the workplace.” On a daily basis woman are objectified and harassed based on what they wear and how they act, etc. We cannot walk down the street without being made uncomfortable by some man calling out to us or staring us down.

How come they made you come out here to get these carts?

– (After giving him a dirty look, and a fake smile I say politely) No sir I like doing the carts. I do get paid to do so.

To live in a world where females annually make less than a male is depressing. No matter how much we fight this “patriarchal society” that we live in,  we continue to be oppressed by it. Our world is full of hypocritical men who say that women should be equal to them, but they then act like they are superior to us.

Why are you filling the milk, I only ever see the guys filling it?

– I am here every day sir, I fill this cooler more than the other stock boys.

It is questions like these that I put up with on a daily basis at work. I am so sick of hearing these questions every day. I struggled for 6 months at my current workplace to get to where I am at on the stock schedule. Right now I am always considered for extra hours and am asked to stay late almost every day. My boss has even offered me a manager’s position that is currently being processed. If I get this position not only will I have been the first woman to get on stock in our store, but I will also be the first woman to be manager.

The name stock boy is given to store clerks who are generally male and who stock the shelves. I got a lot of slack from my coworkers when I was put on the stock schedule. A rumor went around that because I was dating the evening manager I was getting special treatment. That rumor was false, it was the complete opposite. Yes I am dating him, but we never work together. Then one of my so called friends who was dating one of the stock boys spread a rumor that I was “blowing” the main store manager. It must be difficult to believe that a woman can do more work than all of the stock guys combined.

Feeling Less than Adequate

Patriarchal rule is what our country believes is right. We have grown up to believe that men are the ones who rule society and are the strong ones. I am living proof that this particular societal belief is wrong. I have overcome some of the toughest things that have left me battered and bruised inside.

I grew up with a mother who would constantly tell me I had to be better, and a step-father who beat me. This caused me to begin to feel less than myself when I was around everyone. I tried to end my life on several occasions due to flashbacks of molestation and beating. My pig of a stepfather was the first man to lay a hand on me and since that first day I have been nothing but fragile. I only wish I would have been courageous enough to stand up for myself, I was just so young.

A Mothers role

My mother chose to send me to a boarding school when I was fourteen. She believed this school would be better than my other school. I was sent away and this made me feel abandoned. I know now that her intentions were pure, and that she only wanted the best for me. While at Milton Hershey School, I grew to become independent and to make my own decisions. This school is a tough place to get used to, with all of their rules and expectations. I eventually graduated after five years and became the first in my family to go to college.

Working Hard

In one eight hour shift at work I put out about 300 pieces of freight, stock the milk, iced tea, eggs, and butter multiple times a day. All of this heavy lifting and cold weather leaves my hands all cut up and my body bruised. I work hard to pay all of my bills and to prove that I am good enough to please my mother. She never believed me when I told her about the molestation, all she said was that it was my fault. You are not good enough. An A isn’t good, you should have an A+. Do better. You are nothing. Be better. Do better. Be better. Do better.

Strong

I am a woman with determination and drive. No one can take this away from me, not even my step-father. It is because of all of the tribulations in my life that I have been able to overcome all that life has thrown at me. I am no longer that fragile little girl that was beaten and bruised. I persevered through all the pain to become the woman I am today. No matter how much hurt I have endured, I still believe that it can make us or break us. In my case I made a decision and that was to rise above it all and to become the person I am today. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am better.

Sincerely,

A Woman.

 

When You Ask Me: “What Is Feminism to You?”

Retrieved from “Feminism” on Pride and Prejudice.

What do you feel when you are “supposed” to stay home and cook, feed the kids, water the plants, do laundries, feed the cat/dog, etc. every single day for the last few decades of your life? Some people might be happy to do that, I can tell you straight up that that will make me go nuts, maybe eventually diagnosed with depression or altered mental status or something scientific. Despite the fact that women are more suitable to stay home/indoors and take care of her family because of our feminine nature, we are not born to be housemaids, are we?

I was never exposed or introduced to feminism because nobody talks about it in Malaysia (where I am from) or I should say, nobody gets too deeply involved in feminism there. Men and women are accepted to be unequal (because it is true that men and women can never be the same physically and mentally) but equal enough to maintain and respect both genders’ rights. Men have always thought to be masculine, stronger, the protector, and the man in his family; women used to only stay home, do chores and help manage the household while the husband is out working. In this modern century, more women are out working and holding higher positions which are also becoming more acceptable by their husbands even though they have young children that the woman “should be” taking care of (as how we learn culturally). The truth is there are women who actually enjoy staying at home, taking advantage of the fact that the husband should be the one working hard to bring money for the family.

Maybe because there have never been any significant scenario that I experienced that directly relates to gender issues; maybe more and more men start appreciating women as who they are and that women can be as powerful as men are; maybe we should just accept the culture as it is; maybe one day, men and women’s roles can be switched like househusbands and working wives? Wow, just imagining that, it gives me goose bumps. Forget about all the maybe’s, reality is that the society is still discriminating just the matter of its significance; there are still many men who like to dominate relationships with their women just because he is “the man” and they think women can never be equal; culture is just a habit that a community follows for decades and when there is a bad habit, we should change it; and of course, please, men and women can never switch roles, men should realize women’s importance while women fight for their rights! Right?

My mum has a girlfriend who is what you call a typical housewife. She stays home, she cooks, drives the kids to school, feed them, never goes out without her hubby’s permission. Isn’t that fascinating? You think, how is that possible? Is she crazy? Well, she happily does her job as a housewife, working on her responsibilities every day. She does complain to her friends about how controlling her hubby can be. For example, she has curfew (11p.m.). If she stays out too late at night, her hubby would call until she gets home. Yup, and she is a middle-age, I would say independent-enough-to-live-without-a-curfew woman. Yet, she enjoys living this life. When I think feminist, this is one of the many real life ongoing incidents that are happening in Malaysia and many other Asian countries. In my opinion, women should know their own rights and let men know that we as women, are aware of these rights and our freedom. Just because we do not produce as much testosterone, does not mean we are not able to live our lives our way. I am not saying that we can be equal in all ways but having mutual respect toward each other by understanding our needs and being considerate will be much appreciated.

In this modern century, some men still have the traditional mindset especially Asian people, that men should be the dominant one while women should be the follower. Just because they bring home money, doesn’t mean that they own the family, treat them as if they were pets, right? Even in the Chinese language, the man marries or “takes in” the woman as his wife while the woman marries the man or “taken away” from her family to be married to the man. There is also this saying that a daughter who is married is like tossing away a bucket of water which means that you can never take her back because water flows away forever. As a woman, I do not think I lost my biological family after getting married because blood is inseparable. I told my parents, “You brought me to life, I will forever be your daughter.”

Speaking of last names or family names, the Chinese culture is very similar to almost every other culture where the man’s name is used. As we are seeing more people including their mother’s name, my mother actually told me to include my last name in at least one of my future children’s name. I thought it was funny at first. Then, the feeling of proudness and acknowledgement of my family, my root and genetics, rushed through my adrenaline, it was a good feeling. “Yeah, definitely! Why not, right?” I replied my mum. Many Asian people especially the older generations are still practicing and trying their best to keep the tradition of only using the man’s name to show their dominance. Even when both young married couples agreed to include the woman’s name, they might not go through her in-law’s “terms and conditions”. However, I believe the younger generations now are growing towards freedom and will be able to change the culture of naming their kids whatever and however they want in the near future! 

Child marriage is also another issue that I find intimidating. Cases of child marriages in Malaysia gained nationwide attention in recent years as a human rights and gender issue. In nearly all cases, underage girls were married off to men much older than themselves. As most child marriages occur in Malaysia’s Malay-Muslim community and thereby sanctioned by their Islamic courts where Islamic reasons are often considered as a moral and legal justification for marrying off underage girls. Young female rape survivors are sometimes pressured into marrying their abusers as a way of mitigating gross sexual abuses. Not just the Malay-Muslim society, many Malaysian Indians are still arranging marriage for their daughters at a young age up till 30 years old, to men who are at least their level of class or higher. Also, one of my friends here who is an American born Indian, was feeling depressed because her family would not allow her to date guys she liked. She has to follow their tradition on arranged marriage. I knew I was somehow exposed to similar cultures when I was in Malaysia but I did not expect to experience such issue in the states.

Despite the fact that people are changing toward achieving equality between genders, there are many issues that might remain unresolved for who knows how long. I know that education is a very strong and effective approach to change people’s minds by leading them to the right path. It may take decades, up to a century or more, I will not give up trying to educate as many people as possible. By educating, I mean to my future children, friends, coworkers, family members or even a stranger who sits next to me in a plane when I fly to the rest of the world to continue speaking and sharing my beliefs to as many random people as possible. My parents have taught me well and I will follow their footsteps to educate my own future children and friends on the importance of realizing the genderism issue and acting on it. I know I might not make a difference to the world but starting it small is a difference, and this difference might be a miracle to many less fortunate women in the world.

About the author:

Dianne is a senior at Marywood University, Scranton, PA, majoring in Nutrition and Dietetics. She is an international student from Malaysia. She is expecting to graduate in July 2015 and receiving her Registered Dietitian (RD) credential soon after. She would like to stay in the United States and contribute to the society because she fell in love with this beautiful country with its truthful culture. She hopes to make a difference to the world by educating people on loving themselves starting from eating healthy! 

Does This Lip Gloss Make Me Look Stupid?

Today in one of my classes my professor asked for a show of hands, “Who put on makeup in order to come to class today?” Approximately twelve people raised their hand, myself included. Her next question “Who did not put on makeup to come to class?” Every single boy in the class (plus an errant female or two) raised their hand. “Now,” she said “Why do you think that is.” Because society says that a girl in her natural state is not fit to be seen in public. But boys? Oh those wonderfully perfect creatures, why would they ever need to hide who they truly are? There is something laughable about suggesting that a man cover up any blemishes to be found on their skin, to darken their eye lids and to paint their lips, to wear a mask that so outlandishly disguises their true face that they become unrecognizable without it. I like makeup, I love the way that eyeliner brings out the blue in my eyes and my lashes lengthen with each brush of the mascara but sometimes, in the early morning when I wake up an hour and a half early for my classes to painstakingly apply each stroke of the brush I wonder, why? Why do I like makeup? Why do I wear it? Is it because I like the way I look or because society likes the way I look? What is the difference and does it really matter? Am I delving too deep into it or, if it truly is a problem and I find the truth, would I be brave enough to acknowledge that all of those years I was raging against being oppressed I was also embracing it fully? The hundreds of dollars I have spent on various products down the drain to a system that doesn’t preach sexual freedom but hidden male control. How deep do the layers go that I might believe myself to be free of all ropes only to be tying the knots myself?
I don’t want to be a boy. I don’t want to be a girl. I want to be a human, without the constraints of preconceived notions of what I can or cannot achieve. The genderilization of products and ideas is so grossly unnecessary for the furtherment of society. There are products that have no reason to be gender specific and yet are packaged specifically for men or women. With constraints on pointless parts of the culture there is no hope to move past the idea of separatism for genders. Equality only happens after we learn to understand that the most basic of human needs are indeed one and the same.
My mother tells me that feminists are radical and I can be strong without being insane. My father tells me that I’m a tough girl and even if I’m not a boy I come pretty close. Both preach a way of life that to me is merely existence. Do not worry about the world for you cannot change it. Both high school graduates who joined the army immediately after receiving their diploma, both served tours overseas, both my greatest heroes and yet I want to surpass them. With no ambition other than to raise and provide for their children they allow their minds to diminish. My parents are smart and I will be the first to preach on their intelligence but they squander it through their contentedness for the way the world is. A wasted mind is such a terrible thing and I believe that this is partly the reason we have many of the prejudicial problems that occur today. People do not reach out to others as they could. They are content to stay wrapped in their bubble lives and to continue on the only path they have ever known, too afraid to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. What they do not realize is that through all our differences we are all still humans, people who can all trace their ancestry back to the beginning with overlapping values in nearly every culture found around the world. We all struggle with the same problems and fight the same wars.
I find within myself the ability to accept the unacceptable through anecdotes of survivors around the world who have fought to become more than they were destined for, those people who rise above their circumstances to battle stereotypes and self-esteem, who take back their humanity, stolen by monsters. I have my own monsters, you see, cancer is a silent killer. All have stories of loved ones who have passed due to the sickening disease found deep within the throws of the body. My mother was diagnosed with Lynch syndrome, a genetic anomaly that raises the chances of cancer to eighty percent for the carrier. My grandfather lost the battle long before I could meet him and countless aunts have struggled, falling into remission only to be attacked again and again until it isn’t the disease that kills them but the lack of hope for a future where they can breathe easier and live without fear. My mother and my aunt are among the first of this family to take proactive measures, being tested every five years for colon cancer, which is the most predominant type to appear with Lynch, and still it was only a fluke that my mother caught it in time. An errant bacteria strain and a switch of insurances prompted her to get all major testing done a year earlier than prescribed.
Now I have begun my life long battle against this family stealer, within the month I will be tested for the gene to see if I too carry the poison in my veins. The knowledge that our bodies are more likely to kill us than any physical enemy has shaped my heritage more than anything else. My sisters’ and I were born warriors, taught to understand what the true problem is so that when we are called to arms we may face the battle with the experience of a thousand men and women before us but for the first time with the technology to actually defeat this foe within our reach. It is not just me that has been shaped by these hard times but my entire family. We have always been like this and will continue so for a long time after. We have accepted within ourselves the potential for destruction and in doing so, overcame it. Imagine a world where we harness the very things that have held us down for so long.
Ownership of oppression gives us the power to say “yes, you used this against me but now I’ll use it for myself,” the power to enjoy something without the guilt of fueling the hate. Take back the word slut. Make it yours and make it proud. Or take virgin, tell them “I’m not waiting for you, I’m waiting for me.” Do not shy away from the sword that has been so often used to cut you down but take up arms so that when someone swings a cutting blow you can block and retaliate with a weapon of your own. We do not have to be nice and dainty in the fight for freedom, few men have ever been. Be a woman and be soft or hard or loud or quiet but always be strong in your convictions and know that no one, not even others in the fight can tell you that what you do is wrong, that how you march on is wrong. So long as you do not sit and watch the world move by you, you are helping.
Today when my professor asked about make up I thought that it was profound, the acknowledgement of an oppressive society in a classroom setting with people who were willing to learn but now I feel as though the conversation was too short. Yes, we were all there to regale the integrity of Shylock versus Antonio but the topic deserved more than a quick poll and a five minute discussion. Because even though makeup may have started off as a construct to keep women repressed it has turned into something that I have accepted. When we discuss whether or not certain items are “allowed” to be worn by women who fight for their rights: crop tops and short shorts, long sleeves and turtle necks, religious garb that covers fully, sexy clothing that reveals a lot, we forget to acknowledge the depth of the human personality. It is a blow to be accused of never thinking for myself, that every decision I have ever made has not been my own. I was told that I was not smart enough to realize that I had fallen into a trap and my very being fixated on the point that I liked to wear makeup. Every person has a different view of what is acceptable and what is oppressive and they are far from all the same. We need to educate on the idea of equality but clothing and makeup are too ingrained into the subset of culture to whitewash and call only one style fit to be worn. That is an oppression of another sort. So I say wear the makeup or don’t but enjoy who you are and fight for the equality of everyone so that someday our choices will not come into question because of who we are born and who we have decided to be.

About the Author

Chelsea Epler is a 22 year old English Major at Marywood University. Raised in a small town, she grew up with two younger sisters who still attend the local high school. She is a member of the University softball team, reigning champions of the Colonial State Athletic Conference. After graduation in May (2015) she plans on coaching a travel softball team and moving out of the area in order to find work within her field. Fifteen weeks ago she attended her first Feminist Writing and Rhetoric class and began the semester identifying herself as a feminist. Now she understands what that means.

Impact On My Life

March 26th, 2008 was a day that I will never forget. It was just another chilly march morning, wake up early, going to school, go to track practice, come home and start all over again the next day. Little did I know this day would impact my life. From this day alone, it made me look at life in a whole different view, and even helped me decide on my future. For these reasons and many more, I feel as though that this day alone changed my whole life.

 After school, I walked down to the track where I would practice hurdling every day. It was the event my head coach picked out for me to do because he thought I would be excellent at it I was one of the taller girls’ on my team who had long legs and was in shape. At practice the coach stressed how it was so important to really prepare and focus for the meet the next day. It was the end of practice when I told my coach I wanted to jump of 300 hundred hurdles one more time before I went home for the evening. I felt very confident after my technique was right that day at practice. I remained constant with a raw speed, proper technique and well-planned steps leading up to and between each hurdle, which allowed me to outrun other opponents. I jumped over the first and second hurdle then using proper technique to jump over the third hurdle I landed on my right ankle wrong.

In Within seconds I was on the ground and could not move even if I wanted too, which was because my ankle was in a very uncomfortable position and the unbearable pain started to race through my body. I could feel my pulse increasing and my heart was beating like if it was in my throat. I let out a huge scream everyone started to race over to me. Then someone yelled call for ambulances. I finally got to the hospital everything was happening so fast. They called the head doctor of orthopedics Dr. Dorothy to look at my x-rays the doctor came into the room to tell me my injury to my ankle was a compound fracture and broke my tibia and fiba while dislocating my ankle. He would need to put my ankle back into place then after go into surgery.

Ever since I broke my ankle and spent a few weeks in the hospital, after two surgeries and several months of physical therapy, and being told I could not play sports again. I knew I wanted to be a Nurse Anesthetist. I think it is because I was so nervous about having surgery for the first time. I asked the nurse anesthetist so many questions. Soon enough, I realized that their job was so interesting. After that, I knew my goal was to become a nurse anesthetist. I continued focusing on my goal by finding out more information while working on my graduation project. I researched the field description, career opportunities, schooling and potential income. I found out information like a CRNA is a registered nurse and advanced practice nurse who cares for a patient before, during and after a medical procedure. For my graduation project I even shadowed at Mercy hospital and had the opportunity to watch Dr. Cook perform an open-heart surgery. I knew right then after experiencing a surgery like that in real life and after gathering more information, I decide this is the major I want to choose, and I would not let anyone change my mind. I would do everything I possibly could to be a nurse anesthetist. I would strive to be an excellent student by devoting all my time to my studies so that I can become an excellent Nurse. The medical career gives me the unique opportunities.

Even though March 26, 2008 impacted my life it made me look at life in a whole different view, and even helped me decide on my future. It made me realize who I was and wanted to be. I needed to tell my personal story first just like Audre Lorde and many other feminist that need the audience to understand the background of their roots caused them to become a feminist. I believe everything happens for a reason I broke my ankle to get introduced into the health care profession setting so I would like to focus on the health care and general public audience. I’m sure many can relate. Little did I know at the time how much stereotyping and genderoles’ still is experienced in health care setting especially as a nurse. Many countries and even people in the united -states still believe science majors should only be male field. At Marywood University it is not a secret that percentage women out number the males on campus, including the science majors. In the hospital setting gender role is well known male doctors get paid more than female doctors. Male nurse anesthetists get paid more than female anesthetist. Even in nursing, which is stereotyped as female profession male’s outnumbered almost 10:1 males make more money. The average salary per year in 2011 was nearly $61,000 for a male nurse, and just $51,100 for a female nurse (http://www.advisory.com). The question I ask myself is but why are males still getting paid more than females? We both go through the same amount of time for schooling? We both learn the same amount information? We both have the same degrees? Yet females are being paid less because of their female gender. Women become feminist because of unprofessional sexist issues like this not because they are lesbians or men hatters like feminist are stereotyped so often. Women are saying enough is enough and it is about time more women are taking a powerful stance and promote equality and other serious issues that are still on arise.

The past year I have worked at Geisinger CMC as a student nurse aid. The majority of us student nurses aids are all females. I think we have two male staffs under our department. An example of gender role/ stereotyping at work I was told to go sit with a patient as a 1:1 that means they are a safety watch and needs to be watched 24/7. The supervisor called the floor on the way up to tell me to go somewhere else. This patient was a male who was being restrained, but was violent. She believed since I was a woman male student nurses aid with be better fit to handle the situation. I remember her saying he’s stronger. I thought to myself wait a minute I am trained for situations like these whether it is a male or female being violent or having behavioral issues. I work out at the gym, probably more than that male you just sent up to the room, but hey I am a women so that is stero typed that I am weak. I took a real defense to this situation because I am not weak.

 I think I always have been an active feminist without really realizing it through out the years until recently taking this class. The class has helped me establish through out the years I was a feminist when I broke my ankle and was introduced into the health care setting. I was so determined to achieve my goals no matter what would come my way. I think a feminist needs to have determination as a characteristic. I was a feminist when I needed to be strong, and be the advocate for my mother when she became ill. I was a feminist when I had to be outspoken, clear headed, and fight to stay in the nursing program because of being a point away from getting a C+ even though I had a 3.57778 average that semester. I was a feminist when my supervisor assigned me to a different assignment even though at that time I was not comfortable enough to raise my opinion and kept silence I still thought how sexist and wrong that situation was in my head. Now I am a modern feminist that wants to promote women rights. I want women to have equality. I want gender roles to no longer exist. I want women to stop being raped. I want women to live a better life in this world. I realized like many others in the past I couldn’t change these worldwide issues alone feminist need everyone to be involved.

Work Cited 

“The Advisory Board Company.” The Advisory Board Company. Web. 5 Dec. 2014. <http://www.advisory.com&gt;.

http://time.com/3181644/beyonce-reclaim-feminism-pop-star/

About the author:

Jessica is currently a senior at Marywood University in Scranton, PA. She is currently studying Nursing and a psychology minor. She will be graduating this summer and plans to move out of the area to work in a larger oncology hospital. Jessica grew up in a small town outside of Scranton, PA where she was raised by her mother and father. She went into her feminist writing class with little knowledge of what the term feminist truly meant and now believes to be an active feminist herself. She enjoys spending time with family, watching movies and being active.